Pondering Destiny
by Eden Evergreen
Summary: Vash ponders his life and his probable fate as he wanders the world. Expressed as poetry... (Since each poem is self-contained, it's "complete." However, if more of them turn up in my head, further updates are possible.) Additional NOTEs: these poems are not in any particular order (such as chronological). Some of them contain spoilers.
1. Pondering Destiny

I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to Yasuhiro Nightow.

Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, during all the many years he wandered alone. (Spoilers if you don't know who Rem or Knives are.)

**Pondering Destiny**

I roam long hours through trackless wastes

My name is known, but not my face

Alone upon the desert sands

The barren dunes of No Man's Land

.

Wanderer, drifter, forgotten soul

Now we're apart, can I be whole?

I hear your words, and through my tears

I've watched this world a hundred years

.

Dear Rem, he stole your life from you

That hour my heart with tears imbued

I try to live to make you proud

...will this red coat become my shroud?

.

Each life precious, equally dear

Your life for theirs was traded here

I'll save as many as I can

Upon this desolate dry land

.

I must go face him yet again

Knives who's slain so many men

None else can stop him, so I must

Prevent his schemes at any cost

.

I know not when or where I'll find

That one who's purged love from his mind

With all my weakness, can I be

The one who sets this planet free?

.

These foolish normal humans here

Know not from Knives they've much to fear

I love them as you'd wish, Dear Rem

Like you, I'd give my life for them


	2. Remembering Rem

I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to Yasuhiro Nightow.

Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, during all the many years he wandered alone. (Spoilers if you don't know who Rem or Knives are.)

**Remembering Rem**

Your song came in my dreams again

Your voice, your smile, the way you'd been

The way you were so wise and strong

I hope you'll not feel I've gone wrong

.

You helped me to get past my fears

I miss you so, it brings on tears

You'd want to be recalled with joy

By this lone man, grown from your boy

.

I try to help them all I can

I use this gun held in my hand

My purpose was misunderstood

I try to use it for their good

.

They drive me from their gates again

A price I must pay for my sin

Condemned to homeless wand'ring drear

By those my heart holds very dear

.

The poster says "Dead or Alive"

For this high price many do strive

Another hunter, I must flee

Or else he'll take my life from me

.

Rem, do you watch me from on high?

If so, then do you smile... or sigh?

Some call plants "Angels" but to me

'Tis you, not I, who's more holy

.

I pray from right deeds I'll not stray

That you and God shall guide my way

I pray also that I'll be wise

As I roam beneath these endless skies


	3. Desert Sunrise

I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow.

Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, during all the many years he wandered alone.

**Desert Sunrise**

The suns arise, another day

Their light will help me on my way

Their glory spreads across the skies

And I must blink to spare my eyes

.

A world of mostly grit and sand

This desert planet, No Man's Land

A tumbleweed rolls swiftly by

A drifter, just the same as I

.

July is lost, and I am bound

To search until Knives can be found

I fear his purpose will not bend

Until his life comes to an end

.

His hatred 'gainst all humans burns

It boils within his heart, and churns

That bitter brew, it drives him mad

Seeing this, it makes me sad

.

How well I loved him way back when

Children we were, instead of men

I love him no less now than then

That love has become filled with pain

.

Alas! Would that I knew a way

From his dark purpose, Knives to sway

The humble people who dwell here

I will protect, though it costs dear

.

O God, Who dwells above these skies

Teach me, please, how to be wise

They say You want souls to be free

If You choose... do it through me


	4. A Night on the Desert

I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow.

Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, during all the many years he wandered alone.

**A Night on the Desert**

The suns set softly, while I flee

From yet another mad city

I hope within this desert night

To lose those who pursue my flight

.

They are the ones I hold most dear

And yet, toward me, they've mostly fear

It brings sorrow into my heart

Each time, like this, I must depart

.

Their cries recede, again I'm free

To wander, lone, this vast country

My steps may slow, and gasping breaths

At least, tonight, there'll be no deaths

.

I want to offer peace and love

The two should fit, much like a glove

Alas, they will not put them on

Unless they do, I am alone

.

The stars look down, again I see

And feel calmed by their cold beauty

Most times, they are my only friends

Yet they help not my wounds to mend

.

The glist'ning stars, like candles bright

Do pierce the darkness of the night

But for them, I am alone

As weary steps go on and on

.

O Lord above, how can I start...

To ease the fears within their hearts?

And teach the ways of love and peace

That, one day, their hearts may ease?


	5. Seeds of Hope

I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow.

Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, during all the many years he wandered alone.

**Seeds of Hope**

An endless pain, an aching loss

I tried, but cannot pay the cost

No water, soon I'll die of thirst

Though this seems bad, 'tis not the worst

.

Dear Rem, forgive me, I have tried

But could not bear this pain inside

I stumble, soon will come the end

I have no strength, this world to mend

.

What's this? Somehow, I wake again

I have been found by gentle men

When I awake, their smiles grow wide

They tend my wounds, an arm provide

.

People glad to see me wake

I tell them all, they don't forsake

Can it be I've found a home?

That I need not be all alone?

.

I cannot stay here, this they know

And still to me their kindness show

They give me clothes to walk the lands

Armor held on with leather bands

.

A coat to guard against the cold

Determination red, so bold!

Of course, it fits me perfectly

I wish, dear Rem, this you could see

.

O God, You brought these friends to me

They have become my family

I thank You for these new friends dear

Keep them all safe, when I'm not near


	6. Twilight Wanderings

_Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, as he wandered alone._

**Twilight Wanderings**

So far from family, friends and home

Again, I am compelled to roam

My weary feet can find no rest

It feels as if I'm cursed, not blessed

.

I have a task I must fulfill

I face it with determined will

Though from this path I may not turn

At times, fear makes my stomach churn

.

I must confess, it feels unfair

Others may rest, and with friends share

Such joyful times, all free from care

While I must roam, this burden bear

.

The lives upon this barren world

That down from space cold, Knives has hurled

Have no defender, except me

Against his wanton cruelty

.

Except, perhaps, the Lord divine

Alas, I do not know His mind

So in my ignorance I pray

That from right paths I shall not stray

.

Perhaps this task, my destiny

Was not by chance given to me

Perhaps none else is strong enough

To cling so tightly unto love

.

The suns are setting yet again

As I wander apart from men

O God, above the heavens bright

Please be with me, this lonely night

.

.

.

.

_I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow._


	7. Identity

_Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, as he wandered alone._

**Identity**

A hundred years, and more, have passed

And still I roam, and feel the blast

Of desert heat and desert suns

And bear the weight of wearing guns

.

My guns I wield but to defend

Their lives from any early end

I know not how else I may shield

The folk whom else Knives would have killed

.

I am not even of their kind

Or so claims Knives, from his dark mind

My heart tells me it's otherwise

I will not pay heed to his lies

.

Though different, I am human still

And also "Plant," I will not kill

Both kinds, to me, are family

I hope, one day, this all will see

.

My years, at times, bring with them pain

For frail friends I'll not see again

I mourn their loss each passing year

And visit graves when I am near

.

So many have passed, and are gone

Yet I remain, and feel alone

I hope my years bring some wisdom

I hope that through these things I've grown

.

O God, I do not know Your plan

So help me be a better man

Or Plant, if that is what You choose

To call me, still, I'm Yours to use

.

.

.

.

_I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow._


	8. Gratitude

_Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, as he wandered alone._

**Prayer of Gratitude**

I step upon the sands again

To walk away from towns of men

Today, I am not driven out

I simply wish for quiet thought

.

The suns, the sands the sky I see

They have not eyes nor heart, like me

You are the only Presence here

And You can see me, fully clear

.

My armor and my long red coat

That cover me from heels to throat

They do not hide me from Your gaze

For You know all my thoughts and ways

.

You knew me ere my hour of birth

And in Your eyes I still have worth

Forgive me, when I rail at You

And when my thoughts grow far too blue

.

The destiny that lays on me

At times, it feels far too heavy

Yet still You give me strength to bear

These burdens that I find so drear

.

So thank You, Lord, for giving me

The Seeds ship friends, like family

And thank You for their willing care

Though I must wander far from there

.

O thank You, too, for dear, sweet Rem

Who taught me how to love like them

With them, and You, I'm not alone

As on these endless sands I roam

.

.

.

.

_I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow._


	9. Pity

_Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, as he wandered alone._

**Pity**

Another fight, another flight

I run again into the night

I race out underneath the moons

To lose myself among the dunes

.

Thankfully, my feet are swift

As around dune and over drift

I carefully outpace pursuit

Oh drat, sand has got in my boot

.

At last, I know they're far behind

That brings a little peace of mind

I pause to empty out my boot

And wipe the sand off of my foot

.

I sigh and look up to the sky

And see stars twinkling up on high

They friendly seem, and make me smile

I rise to walk another ile

.

At least I have my bag with me

And I've not lost my liberty

A few more hours 'til suns arise

I must be far from searching eyes

.

I think of friends and oh, what bliss!

Yet I am glad they're not like this

Just driven from a peaceful sleep

By those whose fear has run too deep

.

O God above the stars that shine

Who sees all hearts, including mine

Have mercy on them, for like You

I see they know not what they do

.

.

.

.

_I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow._


	10. Compassion

_Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, as he wandered alone._

**Compassion**

Alone again, I had to flee

But who would walk this path with me?

While selfishly, I crave a friend

I fear, for them, wounds would not mend

.

Another scar soon I will have

Rem is not here to call me brave

Is it courage that I feel

When eyes meet mine, that want to kill?

.

No, what I feel is called concern

Since for true peace, their hearts don't yearn

A little love a long way goes

I feel my heart sink to my toes

.

So much to learn, with lives so brief

'Tis small wonder that so much grief

Darkens their eyes, they see through pain

And miss a healing offer plain

.

I must forgive them for their hate

Their lives so short, I cannot wait

I may not see these souls again

Alas, we could not part as friends

.

I hate them not; their pain, like mine

Can blind them to Your grand design

I hope that I am learning still

To know, in part, what is Your will

.

I am not free from doubt or fear

At times, it seems, they grow each year

I understand not what You've planned

Still, I choose life within Your hand

.

.

.

.

_I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow._


	11. Peace

_Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, as he wandered alone._

**Peace**

A new day dawns upon the dunes

I see its light 'mid setting moons

This morn is silent, all is still

The winds are losing night's deep chill

.

So many colors fill the skies

And greet the suns as they arise

The sands reflect some hues less bold

Until the morn turns wholly gold

.

This world, though lacking Earth's green plains

(And lacking also enough rains)

Is not without its own beauty

Laid out for those with eyes to see

.

O God, forgive us - plants, _and_ men

We've wandered from Your paths again

And we forget to thank You, too

'Tis we, not You, who've been untrue

.

You have provided all we need

We have here air, and soil, and seed

Though water's lean, it can be found

At times hidden beneath the ground

.

And You gave wisdom, long ago

That caused "plant" kind at first to grow

My sisters give now to humans

The water needful in these lands

.

Help us relearn that peace, in part

Grows best inside a thankful heart

And help us not to overlook

The wisdom written in Your book

.

.

.

.

_I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow._


	12. Purity

_Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, as he wandered alone._

**Purity**

The desert wind pulls at my clothes

At night, it chills me to my toes

By day the heat comes rushing in

Welcome as a punch to my chin

.

Since from this wind I cannot hide

Its buffeting I take in stride

Sometimes the wind is gentler, though

Those softer moods I also know

.

At times, a fancy takes my mind

And I pretend the wind is kind

It sometimes tickles in my hairs

And almost feels like someone cares

.

When soft warm wind my cheeks caress

I daydream it seeks to express

A brief affection, quickly flown

The only lover I have known

.

Those pretty girls, their lives so brief

To love one would but bring me grief

To use one would bring guilt and pain

So from temptations I abstain

.

It's not that I don't want a wife;

There are none who can share my life.

Until I can stop Knives' dark plan

I must remain a lonely man

.

God, may I make a selfish prayer?

And ask that, please, someday, somewhere

After Knives has ceased to harm

I'll find a wife, my heart to warm?

.

.

.

.

_I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow._


	13. Love

_Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, as he wandered alone._

**Love**

Two orphan twins, by Rem were found

She did not leave us on the ground

Instead, she took us to her heart

And upon life gave us a start

.

Such love should not be cast away

Her sacrifice I can't repay

The only thing that I can do

Is love those that she died for, too

.

In part, for her, I walk these lands

Both human towns and endless sands

Since I am strong, I shield the weak

To them, of peace and love I speak

.

To my sorrow, some will not hear

They choose instead to live in fear

Or bitter hate, like Knives my twin

I know not how their hearts to win

.

I've learned Rem's not the only one

Who died for those beneath these suns

Though unlike her, He rose again

And then was seen by many men

.

O God, Who made this endless sky

And loved us all enough to die

Your eyes, like mine, must fill with tears

When they'll not let You calm their fears

.

Oft times, we foolishly resist

Forgive us please, even for this

And let Your boundless love rain down

Upon these dry hearts' fertile ground

.

.

.

.

_I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow._


	14. Flight

_Things Vash may have pondered, at least part of the time, as he wandered alone._

**Flight**

Again, I am compelled to run

Out underneath merciless suns

Their hate for me brings endless grief

I know not if I'll find relief

.

It's me they blame for lost July

So many people then did die

I mourn those lost ones, as do they

My memories have gone away

.

I know not if I am to blame

The fear I might be causes shame

I will not fight, but run instead

Tonight the sands shall be my bed

.

So many times, I'm forced to flee

From greed or hatred turned toward me

Cold fear within their eyes does gleam

A monster, to them, I must seem

.

At least my long legs quickly speed

Out o'er the sands when there is need

Though without warning comes alarm

I can escape, and do no harm

.

God, You alone the truth do know

And whether I deserve that blow

Of Death that I see in their thought

They'll give to me, if I am caught

.

Ere I must die, God grant this plea:

That from Knives' cold hostility

The people here shall all be freed

For this, O God, I humbly plead

.

.

.

.

_I do not own Trigun / Vash: he belongs to the amazing Yasuhiro Nightow._


End file.
